As a self described social recluse, the end of this lockdown is the hardest.
The apprehension of the lockdown ending has left me feeling strange and unsure – and this is not just because I am a middle aged Jewish mother.
I love seeing friends and entertaining and with previous lockdowns I could not wait to start living normally again.
This time is different. Leaving the house with 2000 community transmission cases a day (as opposed to zero last time) is a very scary proposition, even though this time my family is fully vaccinated.
Hosting Shabbat is something I would love to do. I am not ready.
I am desperate to get my hair, nails and eyebrows done (my eyebrows look terrible), but I am not ready to have someone who may unknowingly be infected touch me.
I want to go back to a Pilates or yoga class, but I don’t want (at this point) to be in a room with people I don’t know.
I am not ready to sit in a cafe with people without masks near me.
I cannot clean another toilet but for now I will not be letting my lovely and valued cleaner in my home.
I am fortunate that I am not being thrust back into an office yet. Not sure I could cope just yet.
My year 11 daughter thinks I am neurotic and “not like normal people”, even though part of my neuroses comes from the fact that I am petrified that she will not be able to sit her VCE exam. “Stop being a neurotic Jewish mother she says”. My response (which she knows well) “Not possible. Child of Holocaust survivor. Move on.”
What I do know is that I am not the only one. This is comforting. I have come to realise that there are plenty of people like me and we should not feel like we are in any way missing out when we see photos of people we know drinking wine or getting their hair cut. We are just a different kind of normal.
I know that over time I will start to come out of my cocoon and will look forward to going to events. I am fortunate that soon I will have events to look forward to and I will pull myself together as I always do and get out there and enjoy them.
In the mean time I think about the hundreds of people in hospital with exhausted doctors and nurses.
For now I will take one day at a time, continue my lockdown routine and take small steps each day. I like many others will get there. It will just take time and it will not happen on so called freedom day.