Ok, let’s have it out about Internet dating.
Hinge. Bumble. Tinder. Ok Cupid.
My parents are big into it.
They are so into it that they even offered to pay for a premium online dating account for me.
My dad keeps telling me how great it is, “The Twinders (that’s what he calls it) is just like shopping in a supermarket, nowadays you don’t even have to go out to find a guy, you can just swipe away.” he tells me in his thick Scottish accent.
I keep trying to tell him that the ‘produce’ is a bit bogan for my liking and that I’ve tried…..after spending hours swiping, I just end up getting a mild case of RSI and lose all hope in the male race.
I mean, why can’t romance still happen the old-fashioned way?
Like maybe meeting in a bookshop when you reach for the same book and low and behold it hits you in the face LOVE.
Or perhaps he’s your cousin’s cousin’s stepbrother’s best friend’s housemate, and you get introduced at some random house party, and then BOOM, It hits you like a freight train. LOVE.
Or maybe you collide into each other on a bike path, and then he offers to fix your bike and then BOOM, like a smack in the face. LOVE.
You know, something IRL. Something that makes a good story to tell you’re great great great grandkids…
I mean, I do know a few online success stories… Maybe the odds are better in cities like Melbourne, but here in rural Woop Woop, Queensland, most of the profile pics are of guys wearing wife-beaters stubby shorts and drug dealer sunglasses, brandishing shotguns and dead pigs whilst swilling bottles of bourbon out the front of their brand-new ute. Attractive huh? One of them actually wrote, “I’m looking for a gal to drink beer with, play video games and go camping in my 4wd ute with me” I almost wrote to him to tell them that maybe he’s actually looking for a mate, not a girlfriend. I’m not sure who gave them the memo, but that ain’t no way to win a gal’s heart.
I was actually thinking of getting into the business of advising men on how to make a good-looking dating profile, maybe even doing photoshoots for them, styling them… But I digress.
Every time someone falls in love via online dating, my mama tells me over and over again. “You know, so and so did meet online” My mama even offered to make a dating profile for me.
She told me she would be most happy to manage it, spend hours swiping for me, chat for me, and ultimately find the perfect match for me.
So kind. It must be a common situation because now some smart entrepreneur is developing an app for exactly that- For Jewish mama’s to find matches for their beloved children before they become spinsters. My mama has pre-ordered it.
So yes, my parents are madly trying to pair me up with a mate. Preferably an educated Jewish man that owns a property and maybe a business or 3….
Last year my mama and her best friend concocted a plan. They were lamenting that both their children were so wonderful and so brilliant but that they were both so single… Then in a lightbulb moment, they had the brilliant realisation to partner us up. After all, we both liked music, we liked plants, we were of similar age, and of course, we were both Jewish. Perfect.
My parents drove 2000km from QLD to Melbourne. They invited the lucky bachelor to come to drink some whisky with the men so that they could interrogate him. After receiving the seal of approval, the mothers organised a date for us in the local coffee shop. So old school, huh? Who needs Tinder when you have Jewish parents!
The date was ok, but sadly there was no chemistry…
So what do you do? Can you grow chemistry in a lab? Can you grow to fall in love? Does IRL love even happen anymore? Or do you succumb to modern times, let your parents pay for Tinder Gold and get your dear mama to swipe and swipe and swipe till she finds you the one?
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Sara Yael features in a documentary, Jewish Singles in the Snow which airs on the ABC (Australia) on 9th July 2023 at 6.30. Find her on insta @madebysarayael
See Sara in action below:
