Is that a real question or a cultural symbol/stereotype of our people? Does one choose to be a Jewish Mother or did the Ashkenazi Jewish real-life experiences of Eastern European communities follow our immigrant relatives to the shores of New Worlds?
Regardless of the thread that weaves a very ethnic tradition among Jews, most likely we all have experienced the wrath, guilt, demands, fury and smothering of love and food of a Jewish Mother. And let’s note, there is NOTHING like the logic of a Jewish Mother!
Because mothers were central to family life and preserving the Jewish traditions (not the religious aspects of life—that was the job of the Papa, as Tevya would say!), she was responsible for the success of her children. To become a learned scholar was every mother’s dream for her sons, while hopefully her daughters made a glorious shidduch (marriage) and bore many children.
The self-sacrificing, food-obsessed, overprotective and guilt-inducing characteristics of the Jewish Mother were defined and perpetuated by the American Jewish comics of the Borscht Belt, the radio and TV – Gertrude Berg’s portrayal of The Goldbergs, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Shtisel, and movies like Philip Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint, Bye Bye Braverman, Heartburn, Mother, and my favorites, Fiddler on the Roof, Garbo Talks and Delancy Street.
Let’s remember our beloved comedians who help us recognize the pain of being Jewish through comedy, like Jackie Mason, Myron Cohen, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Don Rickles, Gilda Radner, Woody Alan, Joan Rivers, Billy Crystal, Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Sarah Silverman and one of the funniest new comedians – Modi Rosenfeld, who I highly recommend. They have all entertained us with belly laughs and tears in our eyes because we see ourselves, our mothers and grandmothers – and our Jewish lives – before us while teaching us the Jewish Mother is not unique to us as individuals, but to our Jewish heritage and culture that is critical to preserving our history.
Celebrating mothers and goddesses began in Ancient Greece and Rome, circa 6th century BCE. Mother’s Day originated in the United States in the early 20th century, with official recognition as a day to be celebrated on the second Sunday in May, by President Wilson in 1914. In 1924, Janet Heyden – a social activist from Sydney, Australia, began the campaign to honor mothers in the US tradition, and this eventually grew into a national tradition.
Whether it’s family brunch, picnics, dinners, cards and gifts, we take time to honor those who gave us life, guided our growth, fed us, cleaned us, shed tears with and for us. Each Jewish Mother owns a story in our hearts. I’m sharing a few of those precious moments from my Bubbie that I hope will resonate with you and bring you a feeling of warmth and belonging, knowing that we share beloved stories of commonality within our Jewishness.
– I have memories as a young child of hearing family members talking in Yiddish, when suddenly my Bubbie would scrunch up her face with disdain and say, “Ptu! Ptu! Ptu!” while make a spitting noise. I asked my mother why she did that and she explained it was a way to keep the Evil Eye away from us and be surrounded by protection. My Bubbie’s face in those moments bring me joy as I really believe she has always been my protector.
– Before every Rosh Hashanah and Pesach, I would take Bubbie to Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles, which from the early 20th century was the hub of Jewish life in LA. To her, it was the only place in LA that had authentic Jewish-Kosher foods. This twice-a-year experience turned out to be so embarrassing for me that I would wait outside the various stores for her. She would ask the butcher for a chicken. He would start to wrap it up and she would scream at him to “STOP!” “Vhat’s wrong?” he would ask. Every time, she would say to him, “How fresh is that chicken? How do I know how long it’s been sitting here?” With a growl on his face, and it never failed, the butcher would say, “Lady! You don’t smell as fresh as this chicken!”
She would also question the grocer as to when the celery and carrots were picked and tell the deli man that her pickles were better than his. He would retort, “Then don’t buy mine, make them yourself!” Oy vey! I couldn’t get through to her how mortifying these shopping days were and she would say, “Nu, someday you’ll understand!” I learned: DON’T ever question the wisdom of a Jewish Mother!
– Unrelenting in her devotion and protection of me and my two brothers, our Bubbie had three opportunities to find herself in front of judges. The first was when 16-year-old Fred got a speeding ticket not long after he got his driver’s license. While he presented himself before the judge and answered the questions, Bubbie, in her Yiddish-Russian accent, kept interrupting him and saying, “Judge! He’s a good boy! He does his homework! His mother and father died in a car crash! He’s a good boy! He wouldn’t do anything bad!” The judge kept saying, “Lady, sit down! I’m sure he’s a good boy!” She persisted but still had to pay the ticket.
– When I was planning my wedding, my finances were tied up in probate after my parents’ death. We had to go to court to get funds. Bubbie did her thing by standing up in the courtroom, yelling out, “Judge! Her parents were killed in a car crash, she needs more money for a beautiful vedding! That’s not enough money, Judge! Who can make a vedding with that bissel amount?” Once again, she was told to sit down and be quiet. Don’t ask if she kept quiet! Oy vey, G-d love her, she was our hero!
– After being in America for almost 50 years, Bubbie decided to go through the process of becoming a US citizen. She took the classes and passed all the tests. Before she was sworn in, she was escorted to sit in front of a judge who said to her: “Madam, please explain to me what the System of Checks and Balances is.” As she told the story to us, she said, in her Yiddish-Russian accent, “I got out of mine chair, leaned forward, looked into the eyes of the judge and said, “You vatch my back! I vatch yours!” Hail to the new citizen of the United States of America!
As we celebrate Mother’s Day on May 11, let’s remember the Woman of Valor who shows inner strength, resilience, moral courage, leadership in community, tzedakah. Most importantly, as no one can take away the profound status of a Jewish Mother, we express our gratitude and love for our mothers and grandmothers.
Happy Mother’s Day to All Women of Valor! Sandy x
